love lost and evelasting



 In respectful honour to a precious flower; – gone but never forgotten.


I wrote these recollections for my very special friend and someone I love.

I sent them to her as a form of recognition of our bond  


Memories Immemorial


Steve lay on his bed taking in his situation; in Melbourne on the hottest most treacherous and dangerous summer he’d ever experienced.

— As it now is known January & February 2010 Victoria (Australia) experienced a horrendous and deadly heatwave of extreme weather conditions.  The heat and hot dry winds built up and created dreadful fire storms with horrific consequences – Feb 7th  2010  became known as “Black Saturday”.


Steve was trying to hide from the heat and  he couldn’t help but notice the irony    as he had grown up in Western Australia which is well known for its heat and ongoing heat waves, but 44 degrees {C} is hot anywhere any time.  

He had recently arrived in Melbourne and the extreme temperature was an additional difficulty in a customizing to this new environment: this grand old wonderful city, Australia’s second largest city and a city very different from that to which he grew up in Western Australia.  Also, so vastly very different to where he just left in Northern New South Wales in the Byron Bay district.


Steve got off the bed and decided to put some music on and make a cup of tea.  He randomly selected some  music on the computer pressed play and waited to see what came out.  It was great some good old country rock`n`roll. Then a bit later the computer played a very familiar track – The Pretty Place and as usual it brought a tear to his eye but also made him smile broadly.  “It’s great now that song has a pretty location that I can link with it as well as the pretty face I always associate with it”, he thought to himself. He put the track back to the start turned it up loud and sang along with it as best he could.  The memory of that beautiful bay and lovely time always filled his heart with joy.


He and Rae had such a brilliant time at the bay up the North Coast. It was relaxing, fun and just simply wonderful to spend time doing whatever they pleased and loving one-another.


Steve found  Rae to be a truly inspiring and wonderful woman. A woman of remarkable strength and courage.  The scars of life may sometimes take their toll, but  Rae has two outstanding features that never dull – a beautiful and delightful smile and her dazzling brilliant eyes.  Her eyes they shine like the diamonds and they are inviting like a warm fire on a crisp cold winters night.

When Rae smiles she glows with an amazing beauty that is irresistible, cheeky and joyful. Rae has the passions that can be dazzling bright and may heat up the darkest night with white white light.   


Rae is a very good looking woman with a fabulous taste in fashion, style and colour. She is a very colourful person physically and spiritually. Her dynamic colourful personality and beauty are what instantly attracted her to Steve. 

She loves to have fun and does it very well. Her infectious love of life draws people in. she’s so attractive and easy going she meets people easily and becomes friends with them quickly. Steve was amazed but not surprised by her natural ability to ease into social situations and light up a room. It was what made her so enjoyable to be with.


Steve and Rae’s friendship ebbed and flowed like two magnificent rivers running alongside one-another waters over lapping to form one.  Their individual streams would flow harmoniously together for a tie forming a beautiful lovely river contently drifting in the same direction.  Occasionally though the waters would heat and rise, crash and tumble enter a whirlpool and cause mayhem and destruction.  


Their journey started in a fine, friendly and fun manner.


Steve reflected warmly and fondly on the first night they went to her flat.  He was feeling great, excited and yet pleasantly calm.  Even though he had been looking forward to being alone with her and getting intimate he was in no hurry and was open to anything to come.  He was immediately taken by her place a very small quaint old fashioned flat.  Without knowing her at all he was at ease and keenly aware that this was `her` home.  The little living room was incredibly wonderful and beautiful a reflection of her and her life, you could just tell this was Rae’s place. And, Steve liked it a lot, the look, charm prettiness and general feel it felt homely, welcoming, enticing and sensual all at the same time.  Steve was to find out in time that was Rae; you could sense danger, but also felt like she would look after you In a storm.         


They had already had a great night at their friend Thomas’s and weren’t too sure about what to do once back at Rae’s house. I mean it was obvious they both wanted to express their lustful desires, but they both wanted to move cautiously and respectfully. As an interesting ice-breaker Rae decided to read Steve a story.  When suggested he thought she’d pull out a sensual story of adventure or maybe a thriller to draw them together, but the first book she laid her hands on was Dr Zeus The Cat In The Hat. She began to read, as a joke at first, but as she went it was so much fun she continued. The contrast was fabulous and the light-hearted oddness of it brought them closer and help form a bond. It was great and truth be known Steve really enjoyed the story. But, more importantly he was thoroughly captured by this infectious glorious personality. But, enough was enough as fun as Dr Zeus is it was definitely time for some adult play now.  Their night in bed together was nothing spectacular, especially in light of things to come. But, it was very sexy, fun and lovely.


Steve didn’t go much for clichés, but for him at the time of his fortieth birthday he really did feel like his life was just beginning. There was so many new, interesting fun and sensational things all kicking off around him. Life was looking great and only getting better.


It was late January when he first started to get to know Rae some months after their initial introduction. They had a mutual friend Thomas and both spent a lot of time at his house, so they were able to gradually get to know each other in a neutral setting where they both felt at ease.   They both confided in Thomas separately that they thought the other attractive and wanted to get together sometime. Thomas really didn’t like this matchmaking caper, so,  gave them both corresponding phone numbers and left them to it.               


Steve went to the pub in South Fremantle with a loose plan. What if she was there, now that really would be something.

His plan was to check out what was happening there and then give her a call. “Hey; I’m at the Beaconsfield, there’s not much happening but a good atmosphere, just wondering if you wanted to meet me for a drink?”, Steve had said. 

Rae replied with a laugh “I just live near there”.

“Oh do you”, Steve said trying to vain surprise, that’s why he went there.

“Um, but, I’m not at home”, Rae added. 

Steve was disappointed his scheme, as vague as it was, wasn’t working. Why did he think a gorgeous girl like that would be free on a Saturday night.

Rae continued “I am house-sitting a friends place downtown just off the cappuccino strip. And, my daughter’s here so I’m just having a quiet night in”.

Steve and Rae continued with some chit-chat until Steve started to get a bit flustered and thought he’d may as well wind it up.

“Well I might go back to the bar have another drink and maybe see if the guy playing guitar sounds any better after a drink or two”, he said lethargically.

“Well if that doesn’t work out you can drop in here and say Hi”, Rae said with a smile,

“You can come over for a short drink, but, sorry you won’t be able to stay long. I haven’t seen my daughter for a while and she is only bisiting for the one night”, Rae was saying apologetically, but yet still very inviting and friendly.

Steve cut her off, ”no probs, not a worry, that sounds just great, I’ll pop over in a little while”.

He loved it when a plan came together. He didn’t care how or why he was seeing her just that he was.
Choices: places, people and pathways.


So, it’s decision time and Steve had never been too good at making decisions.  Well, more accurately he hadn’t made too many plans that require choices.  And, as it happened this time he wasn’t solely responsible for the choices facing him now. He had found and applied for the lovely little garden flat near the beach on his own.  He hadn’t really expected to get the flat and now it was offered to him with no fuss or bother he desperately wanted it.  But, how was he going to afford it? It wasn’t going to leave him much money once rent and expenses had been paid.  And, what’s the point of living in such a beautiful place if you can’t afford to do anything?  Can’t spend too much longer pretending he was on holidays.  His cousin John had planted  the seeds of change.  John on hearing about the dramatic demise of his relationship and living arrangements had offered Steve a stay at his place in Melbourne.  “Why don’t you come and visit us, we’d love to see you”, John had said while talking to Steve about his options.  Steve thought he would love to see his cousin John and partner Jennifer he really enjoyed their company, but, he needed something permanent and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to live in Melbourne, he loved it here on the coast. He couldn’t picture Melbourne in the summer, and after spending so much time in a small town living in a big city would just be too much.  Then John offered a sweetener – asked him to apply for a position in a training course.  Steve applied and got a position.  So, now he was expected to go to Melbourne and had a great opportunity there.  “Dam! Wish I could have both. Live hear enjoy all this and have a great career opportunity.”  he thought to himself as he pondered his choices.


Steve had never been career minded or ambitious in regards to work.  As long as he had some employment and it wasn’t totally horrible that was enough for him.  Well, it had been.  Steve had become tired of his current situation, under-paid, under-valued and under-utilised. It was definitely time for a major change to his employment status and future prospects.  If he was to stay on the north coast he’d need to get a good job and they were limited.  And, on a personal note he needed to change his routine and break out from the rut. The choices were so contrasting and both very challenging.  They both required Steve to have belief in himself, his judgement and his ability to achieve the goals set before him.  Many of these concepts and tasks were a little foreign to him and therefore daunting.  He hadn’t set too many professional goals and didn’t have much confidence in his skills and his ability to promote them in such a tight job market. Steve had recently set himself a personal goal to follow his heart and take the advice of Ben Lee `Gamble Everything For Love`, and that’s how he got here.  So,  was it time to go with his head this time? 





When reflecting on his time spent  with Rae Steve noticed all the simple little things that made it memorable and enjoyable, a wonder filled experience:- – laughter; the sound of little feet running on wooden floors; the joy of sharing company with a delightful vibrant, wise loving seven year old girl and learning to appreciate and enjoy all she appreciated and enjoyed.

Sharing activities like the lantern parade in Lismore with Rae and her beautiful granddaughter were a delight and joy.     

Simply living with Rae, the way she decorated the house, the marvellous meals she prepared and the love that they shared.  Steve also has one particular memory of making love in her pretty bedroom in the deep darkness illuminated regularly by the trucks headlights shining through the windows as they roared rumbling down the road.


But, the most indelible impacting memory is that of Family and Home. Steve had never put too much emphasis on his family and never really connected to the full sense of family before and with Rae he had. Steve has lived in many houses and none have really fully filled him with a sense of home.  Even the brand new fantastic attractive apartment in central Fremantle, an area he’d always wanted to live, didn’t motivate him to call it Home or create a homely environment.  Steve realises the extent of the proverb “home is where the heart is” and his heart is still firmly rooted with Rae.    


One key element to Steve and Rae’s friendship was their love of music.  Steve took great pleasure in music, loved to have it around, know about the songs he liked and enjoyed all forms of live music.  Rae lived for music, she adored it. She would have music playing 24 hours where ever she was.  She loved going to concerts and festivals.  And, whenever she could, which was most of the time meet the artist and usually spend time with them backstage.  At the age of fifty she would still get as excited listening to her favourite musicians as a star-struck teenager.  Whilst Steve didn’t share the same level of passion, enthusiasm or obsession, he did share her enjoyment and style and taste.  They went to a couple of great concerts together.  One memorable one for Steve was the John Butler Trio at the Fremantle Arts Center.  This was the first time Steve had been to the center for a big gig and was really looking forward to it.  John butler was just reaching his peak with several hits on the radio. And, Steve felt that him and Rae had just firmly formed a strong and beautiful union. It was going to be great. – It was fantastic.  The music was wonderful and brilliant, the atmosphere was beautiful and the woman he was with was stunning; Steve couldn’t have asked for anything more.  He remembers one moment in the gig when John Buttler played one of his hit songs – `Peaches & Cream`,  a beautiful and well crafted song, fun and lovely. He remembers standing holding Rae in front of him swaying to the music and picking up on the theme of the song and the key lyrics  `you fill my half empty cup` & `all I know is; all I know is, I love you`.  He held his girl tightly, lovingly, embraced her with a freedom and joy he couldn’t remember feeling before and kissed her gently on the cheek.  The memory of that experience brings a tear to his eye whenever it fills his mind.          


Another great musical memory Steve has and still considers it their special song is listening to and dancing to a Paul Kelly song `The Pretty Place”.

Its not that it is an extraordinary outstanding song or tune, most of Paul Kelly’s songs are fantastic, and the lyrics didn’t really move him greatly. It was them; there time and space. Steve thought Rae was his pretty place and he was so glad to be there.  The love that flowed between them felt very special that night.  Steve still can’t play the Paul Kelly album with the song Pretty Place – Nothing But A Dream without tears flowing freely, partly tears of joy for love once shared and partly because the depth of love has now passed.     


Steve continues to miss Rae greatly.

Rae will always figure prominently in his heart and mind.

He is sure and definite about one thing and he hasn’t been too clear about to many things; Rae was / is the person he has felt the deepest and greatest Love for and with.  









About charliemcgoo

Charlie Mcgoo is who I want to be to you. This blog is for fun, but, not all posts will be funny. I'm currently living in the very Liverable city of melborne. It's a great city with lots of character and unique style. I love Melburne for its vibrant city culture. It is very different from the city of my birth in Peth. I have a passionate interest in politics and journalism. So, I thought I'd try giving some commentry and share my thoughts. I also have an interest in creative writing and fre expression and I want to practice those skills and share them with you too. please feel free to relay any feedback Thanks - best regards
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One Response to love lost and evelasting

  1. Pingback: everlasting love – gone: but still forever | charliemcgoo

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